It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
