You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
