rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You may now shotgun with the bride
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
