I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
