I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
