how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
