Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
