Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
