The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
