"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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