I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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