pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
