I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
