i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
