Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
