im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
