I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
honey bunches of taint.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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