Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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