Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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