u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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