Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
