Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got inside last night via doggy door
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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