my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
