I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
