I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
