Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
