I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
