I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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