We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
