What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
