I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
