You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Don't make out with my wife yet
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Randomize
