If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
