Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
