Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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