dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
