Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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