I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
