you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
