i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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