Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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