So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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