Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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