when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
