she woke up with a sticky ear
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
