absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
