Someone shit on the floor
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
