Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
