So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
