Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
