11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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